A New Year, A New Ear

Tomorrow is New Years Day, my birthday, a whole new beginning. I feel as if I've been blessed beyond belief already, and I know that as I become more and more acclimated to my Esteem my hearing will get better yet. It's hard to take it all in, this whirlwind year that 2011 has been. But I am relishing the fact that I have been given a gift (albeit very expensive) to hear without a hearing aid! I love my new ear! It hasn't been an overnight success like I believed it would be, but it has brought me much joy and wonder. I actually did hear fairly well with my aids, and even without them I probably could have gotten by in life, but not as a nurse. Probably as a housewife, maybe a volunteer. Hearing correctly really makes or breaks your success in life. That's my philosophical take on it! :)

Alright, so I'm still at C 2, what's new? I learned a new term, recruitment. It's applied to sensorineural hearing loss only and I think that maybe this is my issue with being unable to go higher on my settings. I am going to put this question out to my engineer on my adjustment day. I was told it is Michelle again, and I'm really excited for that! She's wonderful for the nerves and knows her stuff.
I noticed today a new sound that I had some difficulty identifying with until I put the image in motion together with the noise. The ice melting off the roof of my house and the trees surrounding us! It was dripping and pinging off from high places and at first I was confused what this noise was until I saw a fat water droplet land to the side of me. It's the little things, I swear:)

My incision and area surrounding the implant is more or less the same; itchy and tender. There's been speculation on the Esteem support group on Facebook that perhaps some people reject foreign objects, the Esteem being such an object. I have heard that the engineers are trying to come up with a smaller processor to lessen this chance. While I don't believe I am rejecting the implant, I do believe I am hypersensitive to any foreign material in my body as I have had issues with the hardware in my hips and sutures anytime I've had them. All my screws have to be removed (only one set left) and sutures seem to fester in me. Sorry if that's TMI!
In any case, a smaller processor would be lovely, because the ones we have now do protrude quite a bit. And although I have had it nearly 5 months now, I'm still not used to feeling it when I run my fingers over it. It's still alien feeling. Unnatural. These are the things I wish I had been told before the surgery, that and the fact that when the implant is turned on, it's more than likely going to still be a work in progress, not an overnight success. Don't get me wrong, the implant is ah-mazing! It is everything I dreamed it was. It's just that when it's promoted no one tells you the healing part of it. It's frustrating and wonderful all at the same time. While I am amazed at a sound I haven't heard before, I also am flustered when I still find myself saying "What?" or not hearing someone correctly in a crowded situation or if I'm not looking at the person. My comprehension still needs time to learn and adjust. I've read this issue is common for most of my fellow Esteem implantees, so I'm not too bothered by it. I just wish I weren't so impatient. Hearing really is a skill. I suppose you have to liken it to a foreign language, and we all know it takes time to learn another language! And so I just keep that thought in my head as I go along, and it helps.

Happy New Year everyone! And to my Esteem friends, happy new ears;)

C 2, As Good As It Gets

I am still incredibly itchy all around the implant!! This can't be normal. The incision is still terribly tender but I think most of the scabbing has healed. My mom found two spots that are black and probably sutures. Maybe I am allergic to the sutures used? But why would the entire area around the implant itch like it does?? I really hope the Envoy rep or Dr. Seidman can reassure me when I see them in January. I'm also just resigned to the fact that I'm unable to go any higher than C 2. I tried one last time to go to C 3 (even jumping to C 5 just to see what it was like) and any higher pitched noises, my voice included were just painfully amplified. I'm not getting feedback of any sort, which is fantastic, but the sound is just not comfortable for my ear above C 2. It's like when you are listening to headphones or the car stereo way too loud and your ears start to ring and get irritated from the noise, or almost like your ear drum pulses or throbs from the sounds, which can be almost painful.
On another note, swallowing isn't as noticable anymore:) It's still loud, for sure, but I think I'm getting used to it finally. And my right ear has been my "go to" ear for everything now - the phone, people whispering things in my ear, listening to You Tube on my computer, etc. It's amazing to me as I was always used to my left ear being dominant.
I also haven't needed to turn the implant off during the time I blow dry my hair! And that one really loud toilet at work doesn't seem as loud anymore when I flush it. I do feel that is a good indication that I am becoming much more aclimated to the Esteem.

And at my audiology appointment my audiologist sent my right H.A. in to be switched to a left H.A. This will be great, as I now will have a back up aid! I'm pretty happy I thought to ask for that to be done!!

Beautiful Music!

O.M.G...(I swore I would never use that abbreviation but this is huge!!)
I used my iPod for the first time since my Esteem surgery and the sound of the music nearly brought tears to my eyes! It is so clear, so astounding and so complex! I LOVE the way it sounds! It made me so happy I danced in the kitchen listening to it, lol!! And if you know my recent history of my hip issues, you know that's not easy!

I'm incredibly amazed at the gifts the hearing implant is continually giving me. I pray this can be allowed and achievable for everyone. Insurance really needs to step up! I really need to figure out how to get lobbying on this.

1st Adjustment Scheduled

January 10th at 11:30 is my tentative adjustment date, providing I can be off work that day. I will be meeting a fellow implantee that day after our appts, it's her activation day, so very exciting:-)

I'm still stuck at C 2 and have finished my 2nd course of Zyrtec D and still have a lot of fluid in my ears. This is a bit frustrating honestly. I know it's going to take time but I can't help but be impatient. Due to the fluid, I don't feel as if I'm hearing to my best potential right now.

The incision is looking better (my wonderful hubby has been cleaning it for me) and appears to be closing now. The scab is smaller and although I still have the itchies, it isn't as bad as before. Only another week on Keflex!

The Answer To My Incision Problem

I got ahold of Dr. Seidman via email due to the scabbing and itching of my incision and he answered back shortly.
1) I am to GENTLY clean the incision with peroxide. (I did and ouch! It burned...)
2) I am to put some triple antibiotic ointment sparingly on it.
3) I am to start a course of Keflex antibiotics (blech! I hate Keflex!)

Anyway, so I ate my words from my last post, and although I don't have a fever and the incision isn't draining, we are treating it as if it is infected. Hopefully after this treatment is done I won't have any further issues!

**On a side note, my taste is coming back more and more:)
I had to go back down to C 2, as C 3 was still too loud, and I think it mostly has to do with fluid in the ear. I'm still taking Zyrtec-D for that but it really doesn't seem to be working as well this time.

Slow And Steady....

I finally turned my implant up to C 3 today. I figured it had to happen at some point. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to be able to adjust or not. It is loud enough to make my ears ring. I'm giving it a few days to try it out and I see my audiologist Thursday too, so maybe that will help things.

On another note, my incision is really starting to concern me. I'm almost 15 weeks post op and it is doing ok behind the ear, but on the scalp it is getting wider and doesn't seem to want to heal. It itches terribly and keeps scabbing over versus just finally and totally closing. I don't know what to think. When I do scratch it, it feels really sore right after. I'm trying to leave it alone but it's really bad! I suppose a call to the surgeon is probably in order, but then again, maybe it's nothing to worry so much about. It isn't infected, so there's that at least!

Stalling

I'm hitting the proverbial wall! I haven't been able to increase to C 3 yet and it's been 2 weeks, whereas I've been able to increase in 5-6 days all other times. The sound of the radio or TV is too loud for my ear on C 3 and it starts to create a staticky feedback of some sort. I don't really know how to describe it. A few days ago I woke up with my right ear feeling really full, so I think my ear is filling with fluid again. So I'm back on the Zyrtec-D and Afrin nasal spray full time again. I'm noticing a bit of a difference, thankfully.
I have my yearly check-up with my audiologist next week so I'm excited to see what she thinks of my Esteem implant! I'm also hopeful she can program my left hearing aid to perform a little better too.

At 7 weeks since being activated, I've noticed I'm now automatically relying on my right ear for the phone and I don't have to turn the volume up to maximum to hear either! Before, my left ear was my "dominant" ear and now I find I can hardly hear out of it on the phone! How did I get along before?! It's pretty amazing:)
So despite the fact that I feel like I've stalled out on increasing the programs, I think I'm still doing pretty well!

Much To Be Thankful For

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving and of course reflected on all we are thankful for. I am going to state the obvious! I'm so thankful for hearing courtesy of the Esteem. But I'm also thankful for those who helped to make the implant happen! I'm thankful my husband and I have the means to be able to pay for the device. I'm thankful for a surgeon who went above and beyond the requirements to make the Esteem work for me. I'm thankful for the sound of fizz!!! :)

I'm still at C 2. I don't really know when I'll be moving up to C 3 yet. I like the way things sound right now. It's comfortable. I also am trying to stop itching at the incision so much because I think it's not healing as quickly as it should when I keep digging at it.

What are you thankful for?

"C" What It Is All About

I've decided to stay at C 2 for now. I bumped up to 3 but felt some noises are just too loud and almost sound slightly staticky. Hopefully it's just a matter of me needing to adjust and not a feedback issue. Michelle said that one spectrum of feedback was reported as sounding almost like waves crashing, I think. It's hard to remember now. Maybe a low buzzing? Anyway, the static sound could be that and maybe I still have some fluid in the ear affecting the implant. I occassionally take a decongestant and antihistamine combo still just to help with that. Oh, and good news! The tinnitus in my right ear is really minimal!

There isn't much exciting in the last week in hearing new sounds. I find myself getting a bit annoyed at night time when I'm trying to sleep though. I don't like hearing noise when I'm falling asleep. I'm a very light sleeper, so now that I can hear most things it startles me awake. And the white noise machine my husband uses to relax him distracts me from sleep! I've been sleeping on my right side now so my "bad" ear is up to the room and then I don't hear hardly anything, just the way I like to sleep:) I don't want to turn the implant off at night because then I can't hear the alarm clock go off in the morning for work.

One thing I wanted to mention for those of you wanting info about the Esteem financing payment plan is that they give you two choices for monthly payments. 3 and 4 years to pay off the borrowed amount. Typically they expect half down and half financed. My situation was a special one and since I was asked to make a split decision on having this done, they allowed me to finance 100% of the cost. However, my husband and I did have $4000.00 to put down and then financed the rest. But there is also a $750.00 finance fee you have to add to the cost as well. We got an 8% medical loan interest rate, which isn't great but not bad either. We're hoping to be able to save enough money to pay off the balance by late summer, early fall 2012 now that I'm working again. We'll see!
And we'd also like to be able to pay my mother-in-law back the money she gave me to get this done even though she says it was a gift.

Something else I have to write about is the itchiness of the incision and the whole area of skin over and around the implant. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! I scratch at it all the time and the incision is still tender so once the itch goes away, then the area around the incision throbs because I've irritated it. It's a vicious cycle, because I just can't leave it alone.

But on a positive note, my taste is still improving. There is one spot on the side of my tongue on the right that is completely devoid of taste, but the rest of it is getting better! I'd say it's at least 40-50% normal now.

Fizz On The Brain!

I LOVE the sound of soda fizzing in my mouth so much, now that I can actually hear it, that I'm drinking way too much pop! Hearing has developed a bad habit! :) I really had no clue it made that noise in my mouth!! And to think I can hear it with my mouth closed! Favorite new sound, FIZZ!!!!!

Celebrating A Month Of Hearing

Another week has passed and I just realized that Monday will be one month since my ear was activated! On one hand I feel like I've been hearing without an aid forever, and of course, on the other I'm still in awe and hearing new sounds almost everyday.

Two things I noticed just this week; I can hear the fizz of soda in the glass and my mouth when I'm drinking it and I also heard my phone ringing in my purse, over the sounds of the car and radio!
I am also finding myself forgetting to put my hearing aid in my left ear in the morning since I'm hearing so well out of the right ear. This is a nice revelation. I could function with just my right ear if I need to!

I'm up to C 2 as of tonight. The process of increasing levels has been really easy and although not as satisfying as I initially hoped, I do have faith it's going to get much better as the year goes on. I know I'm already hearing more than ever before. I'm just really impatient and expected perfect hearing from the get go!
Actually since I increased up to the C profile I've noticed the sound quality of my right ear is just so much better than my left ear that has the hearing aid. I now really dislike the way my hearing aid sounds. It is night and day!

Oh, my tinnitus seems to be a lot better lately too. Keeping my fingers crossed it's going to stay that way!

The Remote That Does It All

This is the remote to control the Esteem device. It's just a little bit bigger than the size of a credit card, or in this case, my device implant card, which all Esteem patients receive after implant for places like an airport. It is much thicker than a card though! And also very expensive to replace if broken or lost ($500.00) so note to self, check your pockets before you do the laundry!

Almost normal

The week went well on B 4, no issues with feedback or noises being too loud (other than the hair dryer). I decided to skip B 5 and turned up the Esteem to C 1 on Saturday morning. It sounds so great! However it's starting to make me realize just how poor of a quality sound my hearing aids have given me! I still wear the hearing aid in my left ear and the sound and volume of sound is so inferior to the right ear now. And just think, I have more levels to increase the quality too!

My hubby and I went to a semi-pro hockey game last night and to a bar for a drink before and both environments were WAY to loud and confusing for my right ear. I ended up turning the Esteem down to B 1 and was surprised to find it filtered out much, if not most of the background noise! Seeing that I didn't spend much time in the B profile (6 days) I was pleased that B was able to make the evening tolerable. But there were still moments where I needed to plug my right ear during the hockey game because it was just too loud. I remember Michelle telling me that for sporting events and concerts I'd probably have to turn down the implant. She be right:) We rode to the game with another couple and we sat in the back seat. Sad to say I still have trouble hearing what they were saying if they were facing the front of the vehicle. Must be the road noise in the car is still just too much background noise.

I'm back to C 1 now, and am happy with it. I finished my course of antihistamine/decongestants and think the majority of the fluid is down for now. I'll take more again if I need to. I'm sure I'll have a few more "bad hearing" days.
I still have tinnitis too, I guess it isn't going to go away. Most days it doesn't bother me any more than usual though.

What is truly amazing to me, is that I have been turning the TV down to much lower volumes than I've ever been able to hear it! My usual volume setting was 40-50 and now I'm able to set it at around 25-30!! And I understand the majority of what's being said!

Having the Esteem has been the coolest thing. I'm so happy at the comfort and ease of it vs a hearing aid. I still have moments where I forget I don't have an aid in my ear and when I get in the shower I panic for a minute thinking I'm getting it wet or when I'm in bed, I reach to my right ear to take out my aid for sleep and it's not there:)
I'm liking this normal hearing thing!

Trick or Treat?

Happy Halloween!!
Last night I decided I wasn't really digging B 3 so much, so I bumped up to B 4 and it is very comfortable for me. It worked out really well at work today too! So I'll stick with this til the weekend, and then try B 5, or perhaps go to C profile! My husband and I are going to a hockey game (semi pro team that is farm team to the Red Wings) on Saturday, so I'll have to probably turn my implant down some, but maybe not! So no tricks on me today, just a treat:)

The Big Jump

On Friday I went to a football game and the loud sounds of the game and crowd cheering was awesome! It wasn't at all overwhelming and actually, I much preferred the way everything sounded in my right ear vs my left. It was great fun just to be there and soak it all in! (And my old high school team won, making it even sweeter!)

Today I turned up the Esteem. I have to admit that the remote seems to stump me sometimes. I think I may end up wearing out the batteries just playing around with it, trying to figure the darn thing out, lol! So I was on A 5 all last week, and today I planned to adjust to B 1. Well, when I finally figured out how to get the remote to program the implant to B 1 (really not that difficult, I know!) I was surprised to find that it was too quiet for me. So I turned it up to B 2, but same thing, too quiet. B 3 was next and it was better, like A 5 but different sound quality. Actually, I'm not sure I'm going to like the B profile much because the sound quality seems subdued. I then tried B 4, and even though it didn't cause feedback issues, I went back to B 3 because loud sounds (vacuum, kitchen timers, doors shutting, etc) made a bit of an impact on my ear. A little more ringing in the ear afterwards, so I don't want to make my ear worse by making the sounds too loud too fast. I think I'll try out B 3 at work tomorrow and if it goes well, I'll bump it up to B 4 for the rest of the week. Who knows, maybe I'll even get gutsy and try B 5 before the weekend!
Feeling pretty good about B level and thinking I might be in the C's by next next if all goes well! Wondering if this means I could be getting my next adjustment appointment with Envoy that much sooner? That's my theory anyway!

Still taking Zyrtec D for ear fluid, I think it's helping. I am still seeing (tasting?) improvement with my tongue and taste issues. I guess I would say that taste has gone up to about 35-40%. But I still have a metallic taste on the right side of my tongue too.
Tinnitus...check. Some days worse than others.
The spot on my scalp that used to be completely numb is now an achy, itchy, decreased sensation area. Laying on my right side causes this area to throb some now, but instead of letting it upset me, I'm kind of excited because to me it means I'm finally getting feeling back and when I scratch at an itch, it actually relieves it! So keep healing, scalp, and throb away!

Two Weeks, Two (ok 1 1/2) Good Ears

Off to a home town football playoff game tonight! We'll see how well my ear can handle all the loud crowd and buzzer noises. Had a pretty good week at work with only one other day where my ear sounded like a blown speaker. I am still taking Zyrtec D but stopped the Afrin yesterday (don't want to get rhinitis!) Still have fluid, popping and tinnitus.
I'm looking forward to turning my implant up a level sometime this weekend. Let's hope I don't run into issues with feedback!
Another sound I discovered recently is the sound of my cat crunching on her treats. It's such a tiny sound, so I'm really happy I can hear it!
I had a hard time sleeping soundly two nights ago though as I was hearing the white noise machine all night (waves crashing on a beach). I'm so tempted to turn my ear off at night but I really need to get used to it and I need both my ears working to hear the alarm in the morning to go to work.
One thing I'm kinda down about is I'm still having some trouble hearing conversation in a crowded, noisy area (cafeteria for example). Don't know if this is because of my hearing aid in my left ear distorting background noise, or if the implant in the right ear is just not at an optimal setting for loud, noisy places.
But, I heard my husband ask me a question from the opposite end of our house today when I got home from work, at a fairly normal tone of voice, so I know the implant has made my hearing better in lots of ways!
My hair is finally starting to grow where it was shaved during surgery. At week 9, it's almost an inch long! Gosh, by the time I'll need my battery and processor changed, my hair will be fully grown back in just to be shaved again!

Rough Day, Good Day

Yesterday was a "bad hearing day". Michelle did explain to me that during my next several months of healing and adjusting to my implant that I would have some rough days. I was excited to have gone up to A 5 on Sunday night but when Monday morning rolled around, everytime I opened my mouth to speak my ear sounded like a blown speaker. I could hear others fine, it was just when I spoke. It was so distorted and loud sounding that I couldn't tell if I was even speaking correctly! I even had to plug my ear with my finger just to stand talking. So I went back down to A 4 and it became more tolerable. I got in touch with Michelle about suggestions and now I'm on a course of antihistamine/decongestant pills and Afrin nasal spray. I'm dealing with fluid in both ears and hopefully these meds will help to decrease the fluids. Today, I was able to put my implant back up to A 5 and did well with it. So I'm hopeful the meds are going to help.
I got quite a few looks from my patients as I admitted them for surgery and stuck my finger in my ear just so I could communicate with them! Once I explained why they were quite sympathetic, one even commented, "Remember the symptoms so you can get out of doing something you don't want to do...you know, just say 'I can't hear you, sorry!'" Lol, right on! Just refer to my "You know you're hard of hearing when..." post:)

Vacuumed for the first time since activated and I actually can tolerate the noise! I thought it was going be as bad as the hair dryer. So far nothing tops it. Speaking of the hair dryer, I turned my implant off this morning while I dried my hair and then when I was done I went to turn it back on. My worst fear happened when I put the remote to my implant and nothing happened!! I probably fiddled around with the remote a good ten minutes with no luck. I didn't want to go to work with just one ear again! I was just about to change the batteries in the remote even though the low battery indicator wasn't on when I noticed I'd been pushing the question mark button instead of the button with the picture of a head on it to command the implant! Guess I can't multitask in the morning, lol!

A little concerned though that the tinnitus in my right ear isn't getting better. It is a bit distracting at times, but I'll try to hang in there just a bit longer before I make mention of it to my doctor again.

I Stepped It Up A Notch!

This afternoon I bumped up my device to A 5, which, if I remember what Michelle told me, would mean next week I start program B! Technically I was supposed to wait til tomorrow to go up a level, but I am feeling like a rebel tonight! Lol
It doesn't really sound much different, just slightly louder. But I'm still having issues with the fluid in the ears which does put a damper on my hearing (ha, pun unintended!) I'm taking sudafed to hopefully clear it up but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick, which would mean steroids are next. Every couple years I get bad enough fluid build up in my ears that I require steroids to reduce the inflammation. Hopefully the fluid doesn't get so bad it causes feedback in my implanted ear! I just want a smooth forward transition with stepping up my device every week.
I do notice the TV is continually getting easier and easier to understand!

Sound Off

I want to write about some of the noises I still can't get over. Blow drying my hair, by far worst loud noise, and yes, I turn my Esteem off when I dry my hair. Another noise that is beyond loud but kind of fun is crunching on my favorite candy, Gobstoppers (jaw breakers for those who don't know). Cereal is almost as loud and I find I have to take a break from eating food that is crunchy just because it is so loud.
Again, swallowing! Ugh, so crazy that such a mundane, everyday action could become something I think about now because I am so aware of it.
Clapping my hands startled me last night because it was so sharp and clear sounding. We were watching our college football team win a very exciting game and I clap when I get excited.
I'm much more careful about how hard I shut doors now, because they sound like they're slamming in my ear otherwise (I know this isn't the case but this is really funny to me).
I still jump everytime one of the kitchen timers go off. I don't know how my husband stands it!
I could listen to water flowing out of the faucet for hours. I heard it before, but not with such clarity.
I hear my cat purr now, instead of just feel it. What a beautiful sound.
I can hear the keys of the computer keyboard clicking now when I type...fun!

These are just a few of the new sounds I'm becoming aquainted with. I know I'm probably leaving out tons but it's sensory overload sometimes.

I also want to make mention of the critics who are saying the video of Sarah Churman is fake because she is not deaf if she talks that well after hearing herself for the first time. Her hearing loss is the same type as mine, sensorineural, however hers is more severe than mine. She is around the 70 decible range and mine is 50 at it's worst. I honestly don't know my hearing history as well as I probably should, nor am I an expert on numbers in hertz and db's and have probably quoted some numbers wrong. However, I can attest to the honesty of her video when she was activated. Even though my reaction was not quite as dramatic, it is still an unbelievable moment to hear yourself speak clearly for the first time, to hear another speak to you and have it sound so clear! I am not deaf, as I've said before, and I've gotten along ok with the hearing aids, but the Esteem just brings hearing to a whole new level that those who don't have hearing loss could understand. It makes me sad to see those comments because I felt the joy of "hearing for the first time" on October 17th. My speech is very articulate because I had extensive speech therapy when I was little, and at 5 when I was fitted with hearing aids, sounds then became more distinguishable. This has certainly helped my speech and recognition of sound but it doesn't mean I have good or normal hearing. I can't speak for Sarah Churman and how she was able to articulate her words so well but I'm over the moon for her. I just went through one of the most exciting and nervewracking moments of my life a week ago tomorrow and I share that feeling with a select few hundred who also have the Esteem. Sarah just happens to be the one who everyone knows about now because her husband posted her beautiful moment on YouTube. I know that feeling, it's not fake or a publicity stunt. Go, Sarah, go! And I hope your journey will start a campaign to help others who can't hear (whether profound loss to moderately HoH), we can use all the help we can get. I'm not too proud to say insurance needs to step up and help cover these costs. Every little bit helps!

A Day In The Life Of Hearing

October 18th:

I woke up in the morning to sound! I heard the alarm clock without a problem and got up to get ready for work. This was going to be a fun morning...I was about to take my first shower hearing normally! I had read accounts of people saying that the water in the shower sounded like they were in a car wash it was that loud to them. But for me, it was just a pleasant rush of noise. Until I stuck my head under the spray! Yep, I get it now, car wash loud! After the shower I continued my normal routine of getting ready. Blowing my hair dry is one of my least favorite noises. It almost hurts my implanted ear! Think I'm going to be turning the device off while blow drying my hair from now on.
Then I drove to work and was accosted with all the road noise again, but it didn't seem quite so overwhelming this time. When I got to my department the first question everyone asked me is, "So, can you hear?" with big silly grins. Admittedly, though I could hear without my hearing aid, I still had a little difficulty hearing my patients give their medical history. I suppose it will get better and easier as each week goes by but I'm definately not struggling near as much as I was the previous 2 months to hear! I was even able to use my stethoscope.
Lunch time was not isolating and I didn't have to worry about choosing where to sit to better situate myself to hear best. I was missing out on some good gossip before!
I still couldn't get over the sound of swallowing, and actually found it a little annoying! I had no idea! But I say that in absolute amazement and wouldn't trade it back for anything now.

A hospital is a loud place in general and for me it was another overwhelming noise day. My brain is definately not used to hearing everything it does. I was glad to go home when I did. When I got there, I was by myself, other than the dogs, so the house was fairly quiet. I was in the habit of not turning on the TV so I was listening to the sounds of the house while reading. I started picking up on distinct little noises. The refrigerator makes noise, who knew?! Plus I heard two faint, far away beeps that I still can't figure out what they were and various other clicks and pops of the house settling, I assumed. I wished my husband were home to tell me what the noises were. I have a feeling that when I spend the first night at home alone, I'm going to scare myself silly!

When it was time to make dinner I put some food in the oven and went about my business. I was in the kitchen when the oven timer went off and oh my word, that timer is loud! There should be volume control on these appliances!

Then my husband got home from work and I decided the dogs need volume control too! They've got some lungs on them! We settled in with our food and turned on the TV. I could actually make sense of what was being said at a normal volume. Finally, no more blasting the TV at full volume!
My husband asked me what the day had been like for me and I answered that I loved the fullness of the sounds I hear but I was still having a little trouble, so "what?" and "huh?" are still currently part of my most used vocabulary.

Today My Life Will Change

October 17th:

Here we are, my activation day! I am a bundle of nervous excitement and anxiously awaiting what real hearing will sound like! My family and friends have been so great through the last 2 months but I admit that I got a bit panicky thinking "Why did I tell everyone what I had done? What if it doesn't work?" Will I be able to handle explaining that? And will my ear be able to be reverted back to hearing aid status? I imagined it to be a bit like a couple when they find out they are pregnant and chose not to tell people until the second trimester in case they miscarry beforehand. This way they don't have to deal with all the questions while grieving. This might be a bad analogy, but it's really how I'm feeling about things. But before I drive myself completely crazy, I calm myself down realizing there is nothing I can do about it now, and I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

My mother in law went with me this time as my husband had to work. She also brought along her camera to film the activation so my family could see it too when we got home. We got to the hospital just before my 1 o'clock activation appointment and I told her it didn't seem real. She agreed.

We didn't wait long to be called back to a room where my Envoy engineer was set up to turn on my device. She introduced herself as Michelle and I thought she was perfect for the job. Her voice and mannerism was so soothing. First thing I asked her was if she was in my surgery and she said yes. Then I told her we'd all been a bit nervous that the device wouldn't work because of the ossicular issues. She reassured me that the device is tested every step of the way during surgery and that if anything was questionable they wouldn't have kept going, and yes, it would work. I relaxed then and felt like I'd be able to enjoy the rest of the appointment now!

Michelle then explained how the activation would go. First she'd be testing the device through a series of tones, then putting me through a hearing test with tones (blech, I hate those!) and then she'd activate the implant so I could hear! She showed me the remote and how I needed to hold it to my implant to get it to respond. I started to shake a little then and this caused me to move the remote away from the implant, so turning on the device for the tone testing was delayed a little. Suddenly I heard a loud beep INSIDE my head! It made me jump and Michelle said it was on! But I still couldn't hear out of my ear which was strange after hearing the beep. Then she put the device through a series of tones, quiet to loud, also testing for feedback. Once she determined what was good for me, she started the hearing test. All I had to do was indicate when I heard a tone by clicking a button. When it was over she looked pleased and said I'd done really well. My hearing was already as good as and better than pre implant, which being on the quietest program is a good thing.
Then she told my mother in law to get ready to film because she would be turning on my device completely and I would hear! My heart started pounding so loud I wasn't sure that I would hear anything! She said "Here we go" and I heard a really loud beep that made me jump. I started to say "That always startles me when I hear it" but cut myself off by exclaiming, "Oh! There I am!" I could HEAR myself speaking! I started to laugh and cry and Michelle gave me a few minutes to collect myself. I told her my voice sounded loud and strange. I was hearing myself speak as a normal hearing person would, my voice in my head instead of through my hearing aids! I also noticed that swallowing was loud, and moving my tongue around in my mouth was noisy too! I mouthed this to my mother in law and she laughed and nodded. I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling in this moment, that's why I'm glad we got it on video.

Michelle then went through the programs and steps I'd have to go through to adjust to the device. She showed me how to work the remote and I saw she had me on program A, level 3. I bumped it up to 4 and kept it there. Due to the programs and steps, it would take me about 2.5 months to get to the loudest one and at that time I will come back for an adjustment to get the best and custom programs for me. In all, I was told to expect about 6 months before I'd get maximum benefit from the device. Michelle told me that since we were sitting in a quiet office, everything was a little less noisy and that when I step out in the hospital corridor and outside, I might get overwhelmed with the loudness of everything. When Michelle was done with me, I got to see Dr. Seidman too. We talked about how I was feeling with the device and my new hearing and he answered some questions I had too. He looked at my incision which is healing great and also looked in my ear. He was satisfied with everything. He wished me well and said he'd see me when I came for my next adjustment. The man is incredible, that's all I have to say about that! Envoy hit a home run when they trained him for the procedure.

We decided to use the bathroom before we got on the road and holy cow!! The toilet flushing is loud! Scary loud! However, I started grinning like a fool when I washed my hands. I could hear the trickling of the water from the faucet and the rustle of the paper towel as I pulled it from the holder. It took all my self control not to keep washing and drying my hands so I could hear these little sounds again!

When we walked outside the wind was really blowing and it sounded a lot like what my hearing aids sound like in the wind, so I was a bit disappointed in that. But hopefully as I continue to adjust to the implant it will get better. All the road noises in the car were loud and I heard everything! The fan vents blowing and clicking, the tire treads against the pavement, the rushing wind outside the vehicle. It was too much for my poor brain and I had to turn my program down to 3 for the ride home.
It was so nice to have hearing in both ears again though. But it's hard to differentiate between what I'm hearing through my hearing aid (what I'm used to) and what I'm hearing through my Esteem (natural hearing). I suppose it will take awhile to adjust and for my brain to get used to it.

When we got home, I felt much more relaxed and was able to turn my device back up to 4. My husband was like a kid on Christmas morning when I told him all that I could hear. He watched the video of my activation and said it made him choke up. We all headed to bed then (my mother in law stayed at our house that night) and I was feeling a little off kilter going to bed and being able to hear. Usually I take out my hearing aids and I slip into my "quiet little cocoon". But I decided to leave my implant on to get used to it and my husband and I had a hushed conversation (in the dark!) because we could. I could hear everything he was saying! This was a sweet moment for me because I wasn't cupping my hand over my ear or trying to guess what he said. As much as I wanted to keep talking and testing out my ear, I fell asleep pretty quickly, exhausted from the emotions of the day. And I fell asleep to the sounds of the white noise machine my husband listens to every night that I could never hear before. Peaceful sounds of crickets chirping, a stream gurgling, and distant thunder rolling.

Unbelievable Video of Another Esteem Recipient

October 15th:

I had been asked at work if I saw the Ellen Show recently (everyone knows I love Ellen) and I sadly had to say no, can't hear TV well enough to watch it right now, but why? There was a segment of a woman whom Ellen invited on her show that was very recently activated with the Esteem device and her You Tube video went viral, causing a national sensation and many to fall in love with this girl! She has since been on several national and local interviews and is a minor celebrity in her own right. She is using this attention to gain spotlight for Envoy Esteem and also to get insurance companies to take notice of the wonders this surgery can bring people, and to hopefully begin approving covering the procedure as they do cochlear implants.

When I watched her You Tube video and her Ellen guest appearance, my heart soared. This would be me in two days!! I would discover the sounds I'd been missing out on my entire life and get to hear my own voice in my head as it really sounds! When she reacted to her activation and began to cry, I also cried tears of absolute joy with her. You don't have to be HoH to get swept up in that moment and understand, it was definately a universal emotion!

I've tried to think of ways to explain to someone what it's like for me, as a HoH person, to hear my voice or your voice. I don't hear my voice in my ears as you do. The sound is almost blocked, so when I talk, I hear what my hearing aids pick up and transmit back into my ears. That sound is an artificial sound. I imagine that is what a lot of HoH persons would say. I've also been told over and again that I'm a very soft spoken person, which seems to contradict those with hearing loss. That I can't explain, it's just how I talk.

But back to the Ellen Show and her guest, Sarah Churman. I'd finally found the perfect piece of footage to show my friends and family what this device was really about! The excitement for my activation day was really buzzing now:-)

All you have to do is Google Sarah Churman and you can have your pick of video interviews to watch. My personal favorites are her YouTube activation video and The Ellen DeGeneres Show interview.

First Week At Work, One Week To Activation!

October 10th:

So many exciting thoughts were flowing through my head this week! Not only did I finally return to work (after 10 months away, thanks to my hips) but I was thisclose to having my ear turned on!!

All my coworkers were great helping me with my hearing, although we had a few laughs as somehow everytime I was being instructed on something, my mentor was on my right side, so I didn't really hear what they told me. I struggled with some patients during admitting them and trying to hear what they told me about their history and medications but for the most part, I did pretty well. I think.

The detail I was most happy about though, was my taste was starting to very slowly return. And maybe I shouldn't call it taste but at least I could distinguish what I was putting in my mouth now! When I wasn't eating, I had a metallic taste on my tongue on the right side. Plus my scalp and ear were much less numb and no longer zapping me! My incision was incredibly itchy though (I think it's the glue and some internal sutures coming out). I've been able to sleep on my right side for a few weeks now too, which is nice.

I still find my tinnitus to be really bothersome though and along with it came the feeling of fluid on my ears. It's a feeling of fullness or congestion in my ears, but my sinuses are completely clear. I have been sneezing up a storm for a few weeks though! I was told to try an antihistamine or Afrin nasal spray. I tried benadryl without much success and couldn't bring myself to get the nasal spray since I hate anything going up my nose! I'm really hoping this doesn't affect the sound quality of the implant when it's turned on. I supposed it was a possibility though. What I could best relate it to is when you feel like you need to pop your ears after changing altitudes, like when you're flying.

This week is a long week because I am exhausted from being on my feet all day and struggling to hear correctly. Not to mention the excitement and impatience I felt at waiting for October 17th to finally get here!

A Month In, and 3 More Weeks To Go

After a month of having your hearing ability cut in half, one would think you'd get used to it, right? In a way I did adjust pretty well, but I hated being even more isolated. Friends and family were great about texting, calling, and visiting to keep my spirits up and I am thankful for that all the time. My husband was a champ too, helping me out when I struggled to hear conversations. He became a life line to me in public! I didn't really have to worry about people not knowing what I had done as I was (am) so excited about this technology that I pretty much told strangers about the Esteem and the possibilities it holds for the HoH. Everyone was empathetic. I'll tell you what, though, I actually began to think my hearing really wasn't so bad before now!

I was still dealing with total numbness of the right side of my scalp and ear, with the occasional nerve zaps in the upper lobe of my ear (I felt like the tip of my ear was being stung by 100 bees) but at least I knew that meant the nerves were waking up and I should get feeling back at some point. It drove me slightly batty though when my head itched and I couldn't relieve it from scratching over the numb area! I also still had very little taste which was so annoying. I could smell everything just fine, so when I put food in my mouth and it tasted like nothing, it was disappointing. I can't tell you how many times I forgot I couldn't taste! Eating is no longer an enjoyment, but purely just for nutritions sake.
What was starting to bother me the most though was my tinnitus. I have always had it to a degree, but suddenly in the last few weeks the ringing in my right ear became so loud I could hardly hear out of my left ear. I emailed Dr. Seidman about this and his suggestion surprised me. "Wear your right hearing aid, but don't let it get you down since you won't really hear anything". From what I understood, the idea was that the hearing aid should be able to pick up about 30-40 decibels of sound, not enough to hear, but enough to filter noise and diminish the tinnitus. It was worth a shot! I tried it and whether it was psychological or real, I felt it did kind of work! Who would have thunk it?

By this point, I am extremely impatient to have my ear activated. But there is a slight worry in the back of my mind that maybe it didn't work, since there was that slight hiccup during my surgery with my ossicular anatomy.
I am scheduled to return to work in just two weeks, so I will be half deaf for one week. That should be interesting! Not only will I have to speak up for some of my patients, but I'll have to ask them to do the same for me! Tit for tat!

I Have an Activation Date!

September 9th:
I received an email from Julie asking if October 17th would work for me to have my ear activated! I was certainly agreeable! 6 more weeks til my ear gets turned on:-)

One Week Post Op

Things were going relatively well, I took my steri strips off my incision, emailed a picture to Dr. Seidman (this would be my post op check up so I wouldn't have to drive back down for 3 hours to see him for five minutes), and was able to wash my hair! I stood in the shower til the water ran cold....nothing like smelling vegetable oil everytime you move your head for a week.

During this first week after the implant, I had to really adjust to being even more HoH. Ironic, the situation was to me. Fortunately, I was able to implant my right ear vs my left (they had virtually the same amount of hearing loss but for some reason my left ear is my "dominant ear". I understand phone conversations better with it vs my right ear.). I talked to Dr. Seidman on the phone, he made sure I was doing well and went over the surgical details with me. I still can't get over how nice of a person he is! My Envoy rep, Julie, also stayed in contact, making sure everything was going okay.
Aside from being tired, I felt pretty good. My neck pain got much better after about two days and the ear pain was definately manageable with Tylenol with Codeine on occasion.
I was just a little weirded out by some clicking and popping I was hearing in my implanted ear, but I was assured that it was normal, and it was mostly due to swelling and inflammation of the inner ear. Watching TV was out of the question now. Either I had to have the volume at 75 or higher (out of 1-100 setting) and blast my poor husband and dogs out of the room (and I still couldn't really appreciate what was being said) or use caption, which distracted my hubby terribly. I just opted to not watch TV. The town library was going to become intimately acquainted with me! Sleep was ok, just had to be careful not to roll onto my right side. There was a problem with sleeping on my left side though. My right ear was up to the room which meant I couldn't hear anything! Not the alarm clock, not the phone, not the dogs whining to let me know if they needed out. So, Mom, your fears would be justly founded if I stayed in a hotel by myself now! Fortunately, I didn't have to get up at any specific time as I wasn't back to work yet.

I had been told by another Esteem recipient that one of her first thoughts after surgery and she couldn't hear anything out of her implanted ear was "What did I just do?!" I can appreciate that sentiment, but it actually didn't affect me as badly as I thought it would. But, when one ear is suddenly out of commission, it does make you realize just how much you rely on both ears to hear, regardless of how well you hear (or don't hear)! "What?" and "huh?" became my answer to everything. If I drove and had a passenger, forget conversation. I also wanted to avoid social gatherings since sound was limited even more now. But I knew in just about 2 months I'd be on the road to better hearing so this was just a small price to pay.

Pictures!

The first picture is in the recovery room after surgery with my ear dressing. I think I look a little drugged!

The second picture is my incision with the steri strips 24 hours after surgery.

The third picture is one week after surgery, no steri strips. Looking a little Britney Spears here;)

Surgery Day and Post Op Day One

August 24th, 2011...
Today is the day for my ear implant. I'm nervous and excited. My mom came with me for this surgery because my husband had to work (with such short notice it was hard for him to get the day off). We stayed at my aunt's house the night before since we live just over 3 hours away from Detroit and her house is only an hour away. My arrival time at the hospital was 10:30 am, which to my knowledge meant that my surgery wouldn't be going until at least noon. Long day in store for us!

I was called back for admission and everything went smoothly and on track. My anesthesia team was stellar and listened to my concerns regarding pain meds and about nausea post op. They gave me a great cocktail beforehand (which worked really well afterwards) and made me feel really secure in knowing they would take good care of me. Dr. Seidman stopped by as well to see me and go over everything one more time and then, it was time to roll! I was slipped a "mickey" by the anesthetist on the way to the OR and everything was pretty fuzzy as I was wheeled in. I remember seeing a ton of people in the room and specifically Dr. Seidman as he waved at me and asked, "How does it feel to be so popular?". I smiled drunkenly and the next thing I remember is being on the OR table seeing the mask go over my nose and mouth.

Waking up was interesting. I was in and out of awareness. I really couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not, but then I remembered as I became more aware that you can't dream during surgery, so surgery must be over. I recall Dr. Seidman taking my hand and telling me in my left ear that everything worked out well and I was in recovery. He also asked if I could smile widely and make a pucker face with my lips. I think I did as he asked. Then I noticed my mouth was filled with blood and mucus and was suctioned out several times. I slipped into unconsciousness again. I woke to a lot of sharp pain on the right side of my head (my surgical side) and I remember a few tears leaking out of my eyes. Then I must have dozed off again for awhile. I came to again to the feeling of the catheter being taken out, the nurses reinforcing my head dressing, and a nice narcotic haze. I was able to move at this point and reached up to scratch at my face. I faintly heard the nurse say "Well hello!" but I fell right back to sleep. When I woke again, I heard my mom and the nurse talking. It was so faint and I realized just how hard it was going to be to hear with only one ear that was only at 60% on it's own. Of course my hearing aid wasn't in my left ear yet, but I had a feeling it was still going to be hard. My head and neck were hurting and I opened my eyes to ask for pain meds. The nurse got to me right away and the pain subsided. I looked at my mom and smiled. She looked worried and happy at the same time. I asked her what time it was and she told me it was 9:30 at night. Holy cow! Turns out my surgery lasted almost 7 hours, instead of 5 and that part of the reason why it took so long was because Dr. Seidman almost had to terminate the surgery before the device could be implanted. My ossicles were slightly fixated (which the CT scan did not pick up) and unable to vibrate enough to allow the Esteem implant to work properly. The Envoy engineers in the surgery told Dr. Seidman they wouldn't allow him to continue because of this and his attempts at making it work would not fall under warranty conditions. However, Dr. Seidman told my mom (and later me) that he is not one to give up so easily. He broke scrub at that point and phoned a colleague of his to ask his opinion about the situation. He was told to "do what was best for the patient". Well, whatever it was that he did worked and Envoy was satisfied with it and I am beyond grateful that he was the surgeon working on me, because truly I feel like if it had been anyone else, they would have just closed up shop when the engineer told him it was over. Turns out Dr. Seidman is a really experienced ossicular chain reconstruction specialist, so that was in my favor!

I was fairly awake now and the nurse got me water and saltines. Both tasted like....nothing. I had zero taste! I ended up having the taste disturbance complication which I knew to expect but was still disappointed about. My scalp was also really numb on the right side for what I could feel around the dressing. Then I had the urge to pee really bad so the nurse put me on the bed pan which was a failure. I ended up having to be straight cathed (something that always happens to me after I have surgery and a foley catheter. This is due to the anesthesia "paralyzing" the bladder). She notified the anesthesiologist in house and he came to talk to me regarding this. I wanted to leave, so we agreed that my mom would make sure I didn't go more than 6-8 hours without peeing on my own and if so, to come back to the ER for further treatment. Because of this, we had to stay at a hotel nearby vs returning to my aunt's house as planned. This was actually ok because it was storming out really bad and the hospital was on lock down until the "code black" passed (thunderstorm/tornado warning/watch). We didn't leave until the lock down ended, which meant it was late and I was in no shape to be in the car for an hour. Plus my mom was so frazzled from the longer than anticipated day that I don't doubt she wanted to stay at a hotel just minutes away too. So once we got the ok from the anesthesiologist that I was safe to discharge, the nurse took out my IV, helped me to stand at the bedside and mom helped me get dressed. I was feeling super groggy and stiff but otherwise pretty darn good. We made it to the hotel, got settled for the night (I ended up being able to pee), and I took my pain meds and antibiotics as prescribed. I didn't sleep well at all that night. My head and neck were pretty uncomfortable plus the huge bulky dressing was awkward. We ended up leaving the hotel around 9 that morning and getting home around 1 pm. Mom stayed with me til my  husband came home from work and I napped for awhile too. Nothing like your own bed!!!

I was allowed to take my dressing off 24 hours after surgery, but Dr. Seidman said it would be ok if it was a few hours early. So about 4:30 my mom helped me take the dressing off and man, did that feel great! But then I saw how much hair was shaved....and I'm not going to lie, it's a bit shocking no matter how prepared the surgeon makes you! The incision was covered by steri strips which were to be removed a week later. My ear was numb which was strange and creepy feeling. My neck on the right side was painful to touch and my taste was still nothing. But, for the end result, how could I complain?? So I have a few minor discomforts to deal with in order to be able to hear!
Mom helped me comb out my hair and we had to use vegetable oil in it to get some of the surgical cement out of my hair (don't know how it ended up in my hair!) which was gross but worked. I googled this remedy believe it or not. I'm not allowed to get my head wet for about a week so I will have stinky, greasy hair now for this time period...yuck. The following Thursday I'm supposed to take my steri strips off and email a picture of the incision to Dr. Seidman so he can make sure I'm healing well. I'll also be able to get my head wet and wash my hair!

My husband came home shortly after this and my mom left (Mom, thank you sooo much for going down there with me! I know it was hard for you in it's own way). The incision and shaved head grossed my hubby out:) Bed time was a little better this night but I still woke up a lot. I guess I wouldn't say the pain was really all that bad, but I certainly didn't respect this surgery as much as I should have. I'll be sure to post pictures of the dressings and incisions when I can get them on here.

Pre Op Craziness

It turned out that I wouldn't be the first patient implanted by Dr. Seidman, I'd be the second. Somehow there was a miscommunication about when I'd be put on the surgical schedule but Envoy and Dr. Seidman's office were great about getting me squeezed into the schedule right away. I ended up with a date just 6 days after my original date of Aug. 18th. I prayed for the lucky person who got to be number one, and hoped that Dr. Seidman would work out any kinks he had on this one! Among everything that I had to do to get ready for the surgery was get the money I owed up front to Envoy, schedule a CT scan of my head (pre op planning of middle ear structure/space) and send it to Henry Ford and Envoy, get down to Henry Ford for a pre op meeting with Dr. Seidman, and also figure out what the heck I was going to do about a return to work date (turns out that my ortho surgeon wasn't ready to release me without restrictions any time soon anyway, and that really helped with the ear surgery recovery planning). In the span of 18 days I was able to get all this done before surgery. In the meantime, I was placed with a new rep, Julie. She was just as wonderful as Doug.

On the Wednesday before surgery I had my CT scan done. This had to be overnighted to Henry Ford and Envoy. On Friday I had to drive down to West Bloomfield to meet with Dr. Seidman in his office at the hospital. First impression of this guy....he's ah-mazing! He's so friendly and knows his stuff. He told me about the Esteem implant he just did the day before and how well it went and feels I will be very happy with it. His surgical time was about 5 hours and he expected mine to be about that long too. He went over things for surgery, such as I'd have a catheter in my bladder since it is a long procedure but it would be removed in recovery, probably before I was aware. He'd have to shave my hair behind my ear to put in the device. He showed me how much and let me tell ya, it's way too much in my opinion (which he said all his female patients tell him that for his mastoid surgeries, which are similar in incisional placements) but to him it's probably not enough, he's a stickler for avoiding infection. He showed me a diagram of the Esteem device in a person's head and how it was attached to the ossicles (ear bones) and how sound was conducted once turned on. He explained that there would be a possibility of ear and scalp numbness of the operative side and maybe a taste disturbance, but it should only last 6 months. He also explained the chance for facial paralysis, which was rare. He answered all my questions and gave me as much time as I needed. What the nicest thing about this was that a colleague of his gave up his usual Wednesday slot for me so Dr. Seidman could get my surgery done sooner vs later so I could return to work as close to activation time as possible. Once the surgery is done, you have to wait approximately 8 weeks before the device can be activated, which means you hear absolutely nothing out of the implanted ear until it's turned on.  My mother in law and I got up to leave and one of the office staff came in to talk to me for a minute after Dr. Seidman left. She told me that he was one of the best and that if she or her husband or child needed surgery by an ENT, Dr. Seidman was the guy to go to. I felt a lot better after meeting with Dr. Seidman, and having her say that helped even more.
At this point, just 5 days left til surgery.

A Call That Changed Everything

I am forever looking things up on the internet to learn and research the newest technologies in anything related to me and what I have going on with my life. This would be an important habit for me regarding a few decisions related to my health. One search I am so happy I made led me to the coolest outcome I could have ever imagined!....

Mid winter 2011....
At this point in my life, I'm recovering from major reconstructive hip surgery (no, not a hip replacement) and can't do much with myself due to restrictions placed by my orthopedic surgeon. So, on to the internet I go, looking up things regarding assistance with hearing aids. I notice there are a few sites that talk about middle ear implants. They look really promising, sound a lot like cochlear implants but are actually for those with sensorineural hearing loss! That's what I have....I click on a link, and Envoy's page comes up. I read everything on this website, my heart started pounding, and I became utterly excited that I'd found something to answer my prayers on helping me to hear better and without a hearing aid! The first thing I did was email the company via their website to give me an information packet about their device. Then when my husband came home from work, I wouldn't shut up about this procedure I had found. From the look on his face he was happy and really interested too. A few days later I received not only an information packet about Envoy's Esteem implant, but also received a personal call from an Envoy representative. This began a relationship with the company over the next several months that would lead me to a whirlwind decision affecting my hearing health.

My rep was Doug, super helpful and informative (and yes a salesman, but not pushy). He answered every question I had, via phone or email, and almost always got back to me the same day, usually within the hour of my question. Envoy staff are arguably some of the nicest people I have ever dealt with. What came as the crushing blow to my questions was finding out how much the device and procedure cost. $30,000.00, per ear. And the closest implant center to me was in Chicago. Yeah, not happening. However, I told Doug to keep me on the list of hopefuls as I was determined that I would get this implant someday. Doug assured me that if any surgeons in Michigan became available he would let me know. This was a good step, but still didn't solve the cost issue. He was sympathetic to this factor however. So, my husband and I began tentatively planning a savings account that would someday allow me to get the device implanted once some other crucial things were paid off.

May 31st, 2011....
I was on my way to Detroit for my second reconstructive hip surgery when I got a phone call from Doug. He was checking up on me and wanting to know if I'd thought more about the implant. I told him that at this point in time, there was no way I'd be able to afford it. He asked if he could keep in contact with me anyway and would I still be interested in staying on the list of hopefuls? I told him that'd be great, because honestly, I really wanted this device! Secretly I was hoping that my husband would say "Screw paying off the truck and second mortgage first! Let's get you that hearing implant!"

August 4th, 2011....
Still recovering from my hip surgery and I get another call from Doug. This time the news is a little different, a little life changing....It turns out there is a newly trained surgeon from Henry Ford West Bloomfield hospital (Detroit area), named Dr. Michael Seidman, that Envoy has extensively trained for this procedure and he is up and running for his first device implant....and would I be interested in being his first patient...in two weeks? TWO weeks?! Number one, I was only a few weeks from being ready to go back to work, would I really be able to go two months without hearing? Number two, cost is still a huge factor. I expressed my concern to Doug and he said regarding the cost, due to this being so sudden Envoy was willing to cut me a deal. They had a list of a few people they really wanted to see receive this implant and my name was up there (I think due to being a medical professional). However, he said this was pretty much a one time deal, would not apply to my other ear if I chose to have it implanted, and I needed to make a decision soon. I had two days to decide.
I was uncontrollably excited and my husband knew he was in a losing battle on this one. We made a list of pros and cons with this new offer in front of us. We knew that no matter what, I'd be getting the surgery done, so why spend $30K when we could get a good deal now? Ok, so a pro. But, this surgeon has only done hypothetical Esteem implants, am I willing to be his "first", even though he is a renowned surgical otolaryngologist world wide? If there is one thing I learned from my hip surgical experiences, it's never to be a surgeon's first...big con. Yet something was telling me in my heart that this was the right decision to make. But it was still a LOT of money. We'd have to take out a loan and even then we'd be just making ends meet. I lost sleep over the next two nights, but my mother in law was an answer to my prayers. She offered to help pay for a portion of my expense so I could get this surgery done, no strings attached! Words cannot describe how I was feeling that day. I am truly blessed, in the simplest of terms. Was I feeling guilty? Slightly. I knew I'd set my husband and I back financially already by being on medical leave for several months already and now this surgery was going to take a big chunk out of our savings too, but for the benefit of my health. That's what my family had to keep reminding me. I called Doug back and promptly told him, "Let's do this!". And so the ball got rolling and in a few short weeks, I would be the newest recipient of the Esteem implant!

You know you're HoH when....

So you know those "funny" lists like "You know you're a redneck when..." or "You know you're a blonde when..."? Well, I kind of have a HoH list, and you know you're HoH if you can appreciate it :)

You Know You're Hard of Hearing When....

1) You fall into a body of water (be it a pool, tub, river, it doesn't matter) and your mother screams "Quick, get your hearing aids out!" before checking to see if you've drowned. (Sorry Mom, couldn't resist this one!)

2) You stare so intently at people's mouths when they're talking to you that they begin to feel like they might have spinach stuck in their teeth.

3) You sleep through an obnoxiously loud fire alarm in a hotel you are staying at with your parents which causes your mother to panic that you won't be able to ever travel alone for fear that you will one day sleep through another fire alarm that is real.

4) You put the volume of the phone at maximum and everyone else in the room can hear the person on the other end too.

5) You use your hearing loss as an excuse for getting out of doing things you don't want to do..."sorry, I never heard you ask me that!!"

6) You prefer reading over watching TV.

7) You just nod and smile in a lot of situations and pray that you didn't ignore a question someone asked you.

8) Referring to number 7, you've said something completely off the wall or really stuck your foot in your mouth and said something totally inappropriate to the situation.

9) Your spending budget is slashed a third every month due to hearing aid maintenance (buying batteries, buying more batteries, and did I mention buying batteries?).

10) You drive your significant other (or parent or friend) crazy when you watch TV or a movie and ask "What did he just say?" after every conversation between the characters.

So, this is of course all in good humor and not meant to offend or put anyone down. I am just having fun with my own personal situations and experiences and I'm sure if you're HoH, you can relate to some or all of the situations! If you have anything of your own to add to this list, I'd love to read it!

"Hear's the scoop"

If you're reading this blog, it's probably likely you have hearing loss or maybe you're looking for information for someone you love who is hard of hearing (HoH) or you're a friend of mine and I thank you. I am a 30 year old woman, I am a registered nurse, and I have sensorineural hearing loss. I was born with my hearing loss, but it wasn't discovered until I was a few years old. My parents had to convince the doctors I wasn't hearing! I've worn hearing aids since I was 5 and was put through speech therapy when I was in pre-school and kindergarten. My mom said she wishes she would have recorded my speech before therapy since I pronounced words as I heard them and not as they should have been spoken. With lip reading skills and speech therapy and hearing aids, I was able to participate in the "normal" hearing world. I went to public school and graduated in the top 15 students of my 150+ high school class. I was a cheerleader and varsity soccer player. I participated in drama (had the lead role for two plays) and decided on becoming a nurse. Even though I went through my 30 years of life so far as normally as I could, I still had days that were hard to get by. I struggled with group participation at times, and often missed out on crucial points in movies or discussions by not understanding the dialogue or just tagged along on the sidelines at concerts, pretending I knew the words to all the songs. Music was great, but I knew I wasn't hearing all the different instruments that make up the layers of the song. Sometimes it just sounded like a mash of noise to me. Many times I would be frustrated to the point of tears and disappointment of not being able to hear everything clearly and quite often I was too embarrassed to explain
to people that I am HoH and wear hearing aids and could you please look at me when you talk
and speak up a little. I found that if I told people that, the majority spoke to me as if I were slow or dumb. Hearing loss can affect one's learning ability, but it definately isn't an intelligence issue! Now I'm much more secure in who I am and I don't really care what people think about my hearing loss. But as a girl growing up, self esteem issues were huge! I struggled with dating (and really, what teen doesn't already!) due to my hearing loss and the image my hearing aids projected. I was shy and unsure of myself around new people, but those whom I knew from early days and understood my disability I was more comfortable with. But even though I knew they were accepting of me and my hearing aids, it was still hard to feel totally normal. I couldn't participate in late night quiet talks after bedtime with my girl friends because it was too hard to hear the whispers. I always struggled to hear the TV at friends houses because they listened at normal volumes whereas I needed it loud. They always usually made sure I could hear it too, and even when I couldn't I just nodded yes so it wouldn't be a noise nuisance. Wearing hearing aids as a kid and teenager (and for some adults) is definately a social stigma issue. I always wore mine because I wanted to hear so as not to miss out on anything, but I've lost a hearing aid or two. One time that stands out is when I was at an amusement park and wanted to ride a roller coaster. I was too embarrassed to take my aids out in front of my boyfriend at the time, even though the sign clearly said "No loose articles should be worn on ride, including hearing aids, etc". Needless to say, one of my hearing aids flew out of my ear on a particularily hair pin turn that banged our heads against the roll bars and that ruined the day and we broke up because I refused to talk to him after that for fear of not hearing him and having to explain why, or answer something that is completely off the wall to what he actually said! I imagine that for a 16 year old boy, having your girlfriend refusing to speak to you when things were going so well before would be confusing! What's sad is, I never stopped to consider that he probably knew I wore the hearing aids and was just fine with it, because now that boy is my husband! But that's another blog...

That's just a glimpse of my hearing background. I functioned through life just fine with the hearing aids and was happy enough that I could hear with them, but was always frustrated with how they sounded and felt, having to take them out to sleep, shower, ride roller coasters, or swim and play in the water. I always felt isolated and at a disadvantage because of that. I always felt in my heart there must be something better out there. Something scientists and doctors can come up with to help the HoH to hear without a hearing aid. Then I was researching the internet one day for assistance with hearing and came across middle ear implants, specifically the Envoy Medical Esteem middle ear implant. A completely internal (aka invisible) hearing device that restores hearing to a much more normal sound and quality than a hearing aid. I started to cry a little (truthfully I flipped out) when I looked into this more as I realized that I could potentially hear normally just like my husband and my mom and dad and my best friend! Maybe I wouldn't have to struggle at work to hear a doctor's verbal order, I dreamed that I could hold whispered conversations with my husband at night, and that I could lay out on the beach and swim and hear!

I contacted Envoy through email for some information not really knowing what I was looking for and what resulted was the start of an incredible path to the "normal" hearing world. I am not deaf, but I do struggle everyday with hearing correctly and trying not to make "what?" and "huh?" my most commonly used words. Envoy has given me a quality of life I only dreamed of and it's only going to get better! I will back track in the upcoming posts to bring this story up to date with what is currently happening with my hearing and the surgery that changed it for the better! So "hear's the scoop";) Follow along if you want to relate to me and please, spread the word about Envoy Medical and their hearing implant, the Esteem. (www.envoymedical.com)

***I am not affiliated with Envoy in any way except as a very grateful recipient of the Esteem device. This blog is only meant to help connect others who might be searching for help and info on hearing better and is not meant to diagnose or solicit in any way. Someday I hope to convince insurance companies to insure hearing devices for those of us who are HoH and want to live as normally as we can. Hearing aids and hearing surgeries are not cosmetic, they are functional and a requirement to socialize and hold a job. I could not be a nurse without hearing properly. I don't know many occupations that you could work in without hearing. Hearing aids, maintenance and care, and the surgeries to restore hearing are expensive. Hopefully with enough awareness, and the amazing research and work that Envoy and other hearing device companies have put into new technology, zero coverage for hearing will be a thing of the past!***